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-Valentine’s Day-

-The Poet’s Note-

Just wanted to tell you guys that I wrote this story when I was 16 so don’t expect too much!

https://thenamelesspoet.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/the-poets-note-6/

-Disclaimer-

The characters in this story belong to CCS, which belongs to CLAMP. Any resemblance of events or characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The lyrics of the song ‘Valentine’s Day’ belong to Linkin Park & not to The Nameless Poet.

The story is from Syaoran Li’s POV <Point of View>

 syaoran-and-sakura-tsubasa-young

-Valentine’s Day-

No! This cannot be happening! Please let this be just a horrible nightmare.

 

My insides all turned to ash, so slow

And blew away as I collapsed, so cold

 

As I lay there on the grass with my eyes shut, I couldn’t help but believe that God has some darn problem with me.

A black wind took them away, from sight

 

Why was this happening? Why did God have to take away all the people who are so precious to me? First, dad passes away. Then mother commits suicide & now her…why her God? Why, why, WHY?

And now the darkness over day, that night

 

I opened my eyes, wishing with all my heart that I could change what had happened today. Wishing that today had never happened at all, wishing that she had told me the truth right from the start, wishing that I had confessed my feelings to her.

Wishing that she was alive & by my side.

And the clouds above moved closer

Looking so dissatisfied

But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

 

*Flashback*

“You can’t be all alone at home doing nothing”, she yelled on the phone, “especially not today of all days. It’s a crime!”

“Sakura, will you listen to-“, I tried to get her to stop talking but she cut through my sentence.

“No! I am not going to listen to any more of your lame excuses. Be ready in half an hour. We are going to find a girl for you!” & she put the phone down.

I sighed. I had been this close to asking her out & now, she was going to help ME find a GIRL! I cursed myself. I could never bring myself to ask the great Sakura Kinimoto out on a date. True, we were really good friends. In fact, everyone thought we were going around. Only Tomoyo knew the truth. Even though I was 99% sure that Sakura would say yes, I was still hesitant. There was that 1% chance that she would reject me & I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.

*Flashback Ends*

I used to be my own protection, but not now
Cause my path had lost direction, somehow

 

Sakura was the only one who knew about my sad past & she had also been the only one to help me put it behind and live life to the fullest. But…


A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

 

*Flashback*

“Syaoran Li, please don’t tell me that there is not even one Japanese girl that captures your attention?” she asked me angrily.

“Nope” I said bluntly. We were sitting in her favourite café & were surrounded by tons of lovey-dovey teenage couples.

She groaned. “When are you going to grow up?”

“Weh-ell” I said “There is this one girl…”

That did it. There was no stopping Sakura as she bombarded me with a million questions. “OMG! Finally! So who is this girl? Is she from our school? Do I know her? Does she know you like her? What does she look like? Does she play any sport? Is she in the cheer-leading squad?” & she went on & on questioning me, asking one question after the other without a break!

I shook my head as I stared into her emerald green eyes & tried to hide a smile.

“Hey” I interrupted her free flowing questions. “So do you want to know her name or not?”

She was just about to answer me when she suddenly started coughing. At once I realized that something was wrong. I handed her a glass of water, but she just couldn’t stop coughing. I quickly got up and patted her on her back. While doing so I saw something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Sakura was not just having a coughing fit, she was coughing out blood.

I was frozen. I couldn’t remember being more scared, ever. I couldn’t move or speak. It was as if my brain had momentarily shut-down. Then I suddenly yelled “C-call an ambulance. Someone. Anyone. Quickly. Please.”

After that everything happened so quickly. One minute I was standing next to her trying to make her stop coughing. The next minute, the ambulance had arrived & she was placed on a stretcher. Then suddenly I was sitting next to her in the ambulance as it raced away to the hospital & then, I had the longest wait of my life, sitting outside the emergency room with her family.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to get inside the room & see her smile up at me, assuring me that everything was going to be all right. Her mother & brother were crying quietly. Her father was standing near the door.

10 minutes.

20 minutes.

Half an hour.

1 hour.

Time passed so slowly.

No one came out.

No one spoke.

No one said a thing.

Then finally the doctor came out & confirmed my worst fear…

*Flashback Ends*


And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied

 

*Flashback*

“Cancer” I stared blankly at Mr. Kinomoto. “You are kidding right?” I said blandly.

He shook his head. “No, I am telling the truth. I am very sorry son. I tried talking Sakura into telling you about it. But she was a very head-strong girl. She absolutely refused to do so. She kept telling me that you had enough of troubles in your life. She didn’t want to add another.”

I closed my eyes. I then remembered that every time I was with her, I was only talking about my problems & sorrows. Not even once did I stop to think about her or even ask her if there was anything troubling her. She was always happy & smiling. I don’t think the thought ever occurred to me.

Her father continued “At this moment I am sad but I am also very very proud of my daughter. She had to make some tough decisions but she chose with such courage & went through with them with such determination. She was diagnosed with lung cancer end of July last year. The doctors told us that she had just 5 months more to live. If she were to do chemotherapy, she would probably live for another year. We decided to ask Sakura what she wanted & she said “I think 5 months is more than enough for me.” The doctors were spellbound by her decision. They tried to get her to consider doing chemotherapy but she wouldn’t change her mind. She insisted that she wanted to live like a normal 16 year old for the next 5 months – attending school & everything. Of course, we honoured her wishes. Then you came into her life & we had never seen her as happy as she was when she was with you.”

He removed an envelope from his pocket and handed it to me. “This is for you.”

*Flashback Ends*

I got up slowly & pulled her letter out from my pocket. This must have been the hundredth time that I am reading it. It said –

1st Jan 2009

Dearest Syaoran,

I want to apologize for not telling you that my days were numbered. I didn’t want to add to your pile of troubles. I just want to thank you for everything. You have no idea how special you made my last 5 months. The doctors told me that today might just be my last day. So I want you to do me a favour. After I am gone, I don’t want you to feel guilty or sad or lonely. I want you to be happy & no matter what happens, I want you to smile, always. For a smiling face does not mean that there is no sorrow. It rather means that one has the courage to deal with it. So please Syaoran, all I ask of you is to keep smiling, always.

I love you,

Sakura.

I looked up & saw her parents, standing together, looking at the empty grave. At the side of them stood her best friend, Tomoyo, with her face buried in her handkerchief. Sakura’s brother, Touya, stood on the other side, pale as a ghost with silent tears trickling down his cheek. Many other close friends had come to pay their last respects too.


And the ground below grew colder
As they put you down inside
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

The doctors had been wrong. Sakura did not die on the 1st of Jan. She had survived that month & a few days of Feb as well.

But she passed away today, of all days, on 14th Feb – Valentine’s Day.


So now you’re gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone

 

Then it hit me. I suddenly realized that I was never, ever going to see her ever again.

I broke down.

& for the first time in my entire life, I cried…

On a Valentine’s Day,

 She actually loved me.

 on a Valentine’s Day

 She wanted me to be happy.

On a Valentine’s Day,

She cared for me.

 on a Valentine’s Day

She wanted me to smile.

On a Valentine’s Day,

<I used to be my own protection>

But not once,

 on a Valentine’s Day

<but not now>

 not even once,

On a Valentine’s Day,

<Cause my mind has lost direction>

did I ever tell her

on a Valentine’s Day

<somehow>

 that I loved her too.

On a Valentine’s Day,

<I used to be my own protection>

She didn’t deserve to die at 16.

on a Valentine’s Day

<but not now>

She was such an amazing person.

On a Valentine’s Day,

<Cause my mind has lost direction>

Life is too short & unfair. I guess the only thing for me to do now

 on a Valentine’s Day

<somehow>

is to except that it is.

As I bent down to place a rose on her grave, I turned upwards & gave the smallest, wateriest smile that I could manage.

It was after all, her dying wish.

Red_Rose_on_Grave

-The End-

 

-A smiling face does not mean that there is no sorrow. It rather means that one has the courage to deal with it. So keep smiling, always-

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8 thoughts on “-Valentine’s Day-

  1. I am soooo happy that this up there!! this was written years back 🙂 i am soo proud of you 🙂 and you know how I Love This Story..since it was with me for all those years 🙂

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